Why do I put myself through this?
I am sure I have asked this before. I know there are some who reach this point in the evening and ask themselves why they have spent all day with their parts locked away. There seems to be no benefit.
I think I know what it is. I think I know what it is separate from that which it is for a couple, or partners.
It is literally all in the mind. The tightness and twisting, the pinching and grabbing, the soreness and abrasion. We make it happen to ourselves. It is a psychological internal power play.
The actual handing over of control is something else entirely. Or having it taken away.
Do you ever crave the loss of control? Do you ever crave to be so completely subsumed to the will of another that you wish your very existence depended on it? Do you ever wish that you were strong such that if Mistress wanted to dictate completely and utterly your every waking move, you would subjugate willingly?
And yet, who would do such a thing? Why would they do it? It makes no sense.
What does make sense is that a Mistress would wish her subjects to behave as expected, with decorum and respect and, most importantly, of their own free will. A Mistress wishes respect and admiration and devotion, not mindless obedience. Any Mistress would require her slaves and submissives to be entirely mindful of what they are doing.
So I could put the keys to my chastity device into a bottle and seal it safely, perhaps with a message inside, and cast it into the ocean. Yes, I would lose control. But I suspect I would also lose the respect of Mistress.
And this, I think, is the essence of the difference between those who self lock and those upon whom it is imposed. A self locker lives with danger, deliberately courting it, seeking out the most extravagant means by which they can deny themselves.
One who locks only for the person to whom they are devoted lives with submissive adoration.
It is very easy to confuse fantasy and reality. It is very easy to imagine throwing away the keys. It is very easy to imagine giving them away, actually. However, holding keys is a tremendously personal thing. It is not a task taken lightly and it is not one taken flippantly.
All you males out there who think all you need do is send your online domme a sum of money to hold your keys and that it is all sorted need to think again. It is so so much more than just a financial transaction. If that is how it comes across, then avoid it. It will do you no good.
Never ever forget that Mistress is a human being, with life and love and a whole existence entirely their own. You are not part of it. You are peripheral. That need not be a bad thing. But just don’t forget it.
Thus is the continuation of lockdown. A full solid 7 days unreleased now. On top of the other two weeks and more. Still the question arises, why oh why oh why would I do this?
The only answer I can give is that if Mistress did not wish it, she would have said.