There are good days and there are bad days.

Today has not been a good day. There has been tightness and reluctance and questioning and yes, pain. Not severe acute pain. Just  general episodic soreness.

This is not a cakewalk. This is not a joyride. This, in fact, is not fun. But is necessary.

Mistress expects. That is absolutely core and fundamental. But even more importantly, Mistress will forgive, and in that forgiveness I will lose something. I will feel I have failed, I will feel a lesser person.

I have been there before. I have no intention of ever going there again.

But business is business. I have a duty to remain locked now, no matter what. The longer lockdown goes on, the stronger that sense of duty becomes.

So what keeps me going on these difficult days, when anatomy seems so recalcitrant? Surely that is a ridiculous question to ask. The adoration of Mistress keeps me going. It always has.

And hope also. I hope I am doing what Mistress would wish. I hope I am up to the task of being a loyal and responsive and obedient submissive.

But there is only one way to find out. Find out, I will.

It all focuses back on what Mistress would wish. Communications can be blank for days on end but that is no reason to give up. What kind of a devotion is it if the self proclaimed devotee cedes defeat for lack of an email?

Real submission is stronger. Within it lies trust, genuine trust.

Today has not been the most comfortable day, physically. And yet I do not care. I have carried out what I perceive to be Mistress’s wishes. I have done the best I can.

Tomorrow, I will do better. I must. Because Mistress deserves better of me.

One final question arises – am I truly devoted?

The answer is simple. If it is not clear, then I am not doing my job.

Yes, I am devoted. Absolutely and utterly and without question.

If anyone doubts it, please let themselves be known.

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4 thoughts on “When it hurts

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