And so this is my first ever full calendar month of locking.
A full 31 days, measured from 20th to 20th of consecutive months.
I hear voices, I hear people shouting “you cheated you cheated! you had two breaks!”
Two short breaks in 31 days? To ensure hygiene? I have to agree though, I do understand. It seems like cheating. And yet, I feel ridiculously proud of myself. I set this “month” target at Christmas and narrowly failed to meet it. Fortunately failed to meet it, some might say, due to the ruination suffered to my anatomy in that time.
But this time? No, things are comfortable. Things are not rubbed red raw. When I say that but for two short breaks accompanied by cleaning the device and showering and, yes, baths, I have been otherwise locked around the clock, then I mean it, really and truly.
Do I think Mistress approves? I have come to understand something. It is not really an approval thing. It is just something Mistress needs. It is a knowledge in the back of her mind throughout the hours of the day and, even, night, that somewhere there is someone who has given in to her, who has handed her control, and it is that control that Mistress loves. Of course that someone may be more than one person, each with their import in her life. But it is the control that is key. How appropriate for a keyholder.
I cannot speak for her, of course I cannot. All I can do is keep in lockdown, now into week 5, and hope that this is what she wishes. I have to say I have had no indication to the contrary, so all I can do is take that as a good sign.
But for those perhaps out on their first lockdown, know it for what it is. I have said many times before and will say many times again. It is not about you. It is not about your desires. It is not about whether you feel aroused by being locked or whether it gives you some other kind of vicarious please. It is singly and solely because Mistress wishes it.
I wish to drive this point home clearly and so there can be no equivocation. I have been trying to do this since May last year. 1 year 2 months it has taken me to get to this stage. And I do not actually think this is rare. I think this is probably the norm.
But I can tell you would-bes, it is not an easy journey. But speaking today, after my first full locked month, I can tell you it is worth it.
Once the barrier is broken, once the system capitulates, there is no better feeling in the world to give oneself over to the most wonderful person you know. And I hope by now it is clear who that is for me.