This is ridiculous.
This is either Day 41 or Day 37 of lockdown, depending on whether you count from the Thursday or the Sunday night. Personally, whilst I am aware of what led up to it, I take it that lockdown started the moment Mistress said it should and that is how I am counting it.
So Day 37 it is.
Nevertheless, please also know that for over a year now I have been trying and trying remain locked for longer and longer periods. Sometimes it has worked, sometimes not. Sometimes I have locked daytimes only, unlocking for the nighttime. Sometimes it has been on the basis of instructions from Mistress, sometimes not. The first full week I managed was for her birthday lockdown last year. I got to Day 8 before begging for release.
Now you would have thought that after all this time and all the dedicated practice I have been putting in, particularly during these last 37 days, my anatomy would have understood what is happening and just settled into its new life. And yes, by and large, that is what happens.
But there are those days when it decides to become recalcitrant, for no reason I can work out. It twists and turns and won’t lie still. It grumbles and mumbles and complains about things. This never ever lasts all day. Just for a few hours before it gives in again. But it keeps on happening and it is so annoying.
I am not doing anything different, no dramatic changes of garb, no change in daily activity, nothing in particular I can point out that would indicate anything at all has changed. If anything, the only thing I could point to would be a change in the weather. It seems utterly unbelievable that this could have such an effect though.
The damned thing just seems to have a mind of its own and it just will not give in.
I have heard male chastity being described as “caging the beast”. I can understand that now, but in my case it is an annoying little scratchy mouse of a beast with a squeak which bores through to my very soul. And I hate it.
And so yes, today I am officially annoyed. More than anything, I suppose, I am annoyed at myself for not managing to work out what the problem is on such days and cure it effectively.
I know it will succumb eventually. I mean, it is not really as even I am in charge. Only if there is some genuinely painful medical problem will I request to unlock, and I know how to spot these now. I do not wish to fail Mistress, I really do not. I have failed too many times before, sometimes with good reason but also, I confess, sometimes not.
This time is different. This time I have made a clear commitment, a clear statement of intent. This is simply something I must do, I absolutely must. And I must absolutely succeed. I know nothing lasts forever but I will train myself, I will become properly locked in chastity and I will love being so. It will become a way of life.
No matter how annoyed I get.