What an extraordinary thing.
This little kitchen safe, really designed to keep children away from cookies, or vice versa, has found a place in my kitchen which is altogether untoward and unexpected. There it sits, the LCD timer counting down the seconds, minutes, hours, days (yes, days) until it will open again and release the tiny little keys contained therein. It is a beautiful little thing, and yet it seems to smile so cruelly at me.
Already, I remain in lockdown for Mistress and now into the sixth week, day after day, night after night. On her instructions, but also on her trust. She has trusted me to report daily that I have remained locked and I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I have reported thus truly and unequivocally.
But there is always that tiny little niggle of doubt. There is always that knowledge that at any point, I could choose to ignore instructions, defrost the keys from the bottle and unlock myself, and simply not say a thing.
From my perspective, what on earth would be the point of doing that?
And so, as trust gradually builds, I placed the keys into the little kitchen safe with the little red lid last night at 10pm and set the timer for four days, as per instructions from Mistress. And there those keys sit, the timer counting down. Just looking at me. Almost smiling.
A full four days locked, no access to keys, no control, just locked locked locked.
As I said, I was already in lockdown, locked for the pleasure of Mistress. And now, in a sense, I am in “lockdown within lockdown”. In the overall process of being locked, I am sort of doubly locked, at least for a certain period of time.
Things are subtly different. I feel different. Strangely, I feel happier with that loss of control. I would need a hammer and chisel to break into that little red kitchen safe if I wished to unlock it. And I possess neither, so I would have to go out and buy them first, if the shops were open. I do not even possess so much as a screwdriver.
And yet when I placed the keys therein and closed the lid and set the switch, part of me still asked why on earth I am doing this. I don’t know if that question will ever go away. I know my overt reason – because Mistress wishes it. But I feel there is a deeper reason. And it is actually tied to the reason Mistress wishes it. In the same way that she somehow needs control, I somehow need to cede control. There is something fundamental going on here, something basic to what it is to be human.
Because, believe it or not, as I sit her locked within locked, I feel more a real and genuine human being than I have ever felt before.
Did I tell you Mistress is wonderful? She understands so so much.
I think, perhaps, I am beginning to understand a little better too.