Mistress is silent.

This is not always a good sign. This is not necessarily a sign that all is well and things are going just as she would desire. Sometimes it means the opposite.

And how am I to know which is which? Not until after the fact, not until Mistress lets me know exactly what is on her mind, how I offended her, how I have displeased her or even, heaven forbid, how I have done something pleasing to her.

I live in a vacuum, not knowing from one day to the next what may come next. Others may cavil at this, may wonder how on earth someone can live without knowing what tomorrow might bring. But it just so happens that Mistress is that kind of person. I do not know what she wishes. I try my best to guess, but so far I have been wrong every single time.

And so, Mistress remains silent, does not communicate with me or send me emails or really tell me anything at all about what she might expect of me. And this is all part of the game, the not knowing, the teasing, the leaving me hanging. In fact, it is what makes it work. If Mistress kept on emailing me with instructions and orders and admonitions, of course I would do my best to fulfil those conditions, but being faced with no conditions, being faced with bare trust that I know what do, that is damned scary.

I have to guess. I have to work it out. I have to use my knowledge and experience to second guess someone for whom there is no second guessing. But I keep on trying. As with locked chastity, I keep on trying and will keep on trying as hard as I can simply because it is worth it, she is worth it, this whole experience is worth it.

Until you try, you do not know what you are capable of. Until someone tells you otherwise, you do not know how much further you can go. Until you reach out and embrace a new life, you do not know that it was always there to welcome you.

Yes, week 7 of lockdown has begun. Yes, I remain locked. Oh my gosh, how did things ever reach this pass? And yet they did, and here I am. And all because of one supremely special person.

Yeah, I think the lockdown is definitely starting to affect me now.


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