Chastity affects the mind profoundly.
Mistress allowed me to unlock today in order to clean and shave. It took less than half an hour. Then I was to lock again, which I did, and place the keys in the kitchen safe with the time lock, which I did, and set the time lock to the end of week 8, which I did. So now I do not have access to the keys until midnight on Sunday.
And for some reason, I have become incredibly depressed. I have done everything as I have been instructed, I am clean and hygienic, I am locked. I am exactly where I always wished to be.
So why this downer?
The only thing, the absolutely only thing I can think of, is that silly little half hour where I was unlocked. I have been locked so long now, I really really did not wish to unlock for any reason, and yet Mistress instructed I should unlock for cleaning purposes, just to be sure, before placing the keys in the kitchen safe and sending photographic evidence. When I received the instruction I very nearly sent a reply saying please, I do not wish to unlock at all. But it is not my place to question. Still, that short period of time unlocked seems to have got me and I feel like a failure.
For that short space of time, everything felt wrong. Just plain wrong. All this loose junk flopping around uncontrolled just felt wrong. I cannot explain it any better than that. It was with relief – relief, can you believe it? – that I locked again.
I don’t ever want to be unlocked again. As it happens, following the cleaning and checking and shaving and such like, everything is in perfect working order and also, having relocked, perfectly happy to be in that condition. Not just my mind, but my system has changed. My physical body now expects to be wearing the chastity device and my body tells me something is wrong if the device is not there.
Now I never expected that. Mistress has always said to listen to your body, hear what it is saying, because it tells you when something is wrong.
Well today, it spoke loud and clear. And what it said was “don’t leave me loose and alone in the world, get me locked back up so I can feel safe”.
What an extraordinary extraordinary turnabout. And what a joy. Because I now am locked again and, as far as I am concerned, it is now permanent.
And I am so so relieved.