I don’t know.
Does anybody know? It is different for different people.
I observe people for whom there would, on the face of it, appear to be an ongoing D/s relationship and yet you would be hard pushed to say which of the pair were D and which were s.
Equally, I observe people for whom the letters bdsm have no meaning yet who, to all intents and purposes, appear to be conducting a D/s relationship, though perhaps without all the “trimmings”.
There are all shades (50 apparently) and people approach relationships in completely different ways. I just cannot help thinking there is always an element which could be described as submission and one which could be described as domination. The relative positions along the spectrum may vary, but the spectrum is still there.
And that, perhaps, is why I sometimes feel I have fallen between the cracks in the pavement. I am neither one nor the other, neither submissive nor dominant, neither owner nor owned. Mine is a strange path, driven only by the desire to do my absolute best to try and ensure the happiness of another. That “other” – Mistress – is neither my partner nor my owner. And yet I remain submissive to her, and to no other.
And what forms does this submission take? The purchase of gifts, the staying steadfast on the St Andrews Cross whilst the blows of floggers and lashes of whips come flying in, emails of devotion, attempts to live a lifestyle according to the wishes of Mistress.
It doesn’t sound like much, but, as Mistress is fond of saying, if it were easy everyone would be doing it.
And so begin’s the ninth week of lockdown. The kitchen safe clicked open at midnight last night, although I was not awake to hear it. I saw it this morning though, the clock run down, the keys safe and untouched.
And so they remain. I have felt no compunction today to use those things to which I now have access. The world has changed. The world has turned. How on earth things came to this pass, I do not know.
And yet I do know that my submission exists solely in trying to ensure the pleasure of one other person, to try and help, to try and please her.
And, now I think about it, is that so very different from just old fashioned being a friend?