Is this freedom?
Fortunately, after my disobedience in unilaterally unlocking, Mistress has advised I should have a break. Eight weeks is a long time locked and it is time I had a rest. So I am having a rest. And it feels so so strange.
I was thinking yesterday, after unlocking, how previously I had thought eight weeks was a long time – when you look from one end of it, it seems like an eternity. But now, looking back, it seems like a tiny drop in the ocean, a miniscule amount of time, hardly worth mentioning.
And so, for the time being, I am “free”. But what does that mean? For those in relationships, I can probably guess what it might mean. But for those who are single? It means something else entirely.
I am free to what? I understand I need a break, my physical body needs a rest. But I am not free. This submission is more than just being locked in chastity. This submission is being in chastity, living a chaste lifestyle. Admittedly, yes, it is through choice, and Mistress has none of the surety of actually knowing I am locked.
But did she ever know even that much? There was the evidence of the keysafe with the timer set, my confirmation that yes, those were the keys to the padlock on the device I wore and even yes, I locked the padlock before putting the keys in the safe, because of course, as long as the padlock remains open, it can be clicked shut at any time. The keys are not required in order for it to be locked.
And so, as it turns out, it is all based on trust.
I can assure anyone and everyone, I resorted to none of the subterfuges mentioned above, and for a very plain and simple reason. I like being locked. I feel safe. I have said this before. I feel safe and secure and it pleases me to think Mistress is pleased that I am securely locked and especially that I cannot get at the keys easily.
The chaste lifestyle just suits me. I do not know why. There is nothing in my background that would indicate this would be something I would like. Until last year, I had no idea myself. In the same way, until last year I had no idea that being struck with paddles and floggers and whips and such like would have such a rejuvenating effect on my soul.
Therefore right now, unlocked and free, I feel more bound than ever, because now it is just my word that is to be trusted. I know my word to be true, but I can understand how others may doubt. I can understand why there is a requirement for hard evidence.
I am in limbo. Both happily chaste and yet not locked. I do not know how long this state will continue. All I know is that it is not up to me. And nor should it be.