I have always tried to remain honest.
With what I write here, it is all from the heart. It is not cerebral or overthought or even planned out. I have tried to write at roughly the same time every day, although I have missed a few days, and what I write is what is in my mind at the time, told with complete honesty.
It is Friday evening, a time for happiness and celebration and relaxation and letting your hair down and all that stuff. But right now, at this precise moment, that is the last thing I feel like doing.
It has been a difficult week. Wednesday was the proverbial “day from hell” at work, when things just did not let up at all. But I thought, once the day was over I was okay and all was well.
Then Thursday happened and I realised for the first time that it was possible to have more than one “day from hell” in any given week. That, of course, made it the proverbial “week from hell”.
And lo and behold, Friday comes along and makes it a happy threesome.
So right now, all I want to do is lie down and go to sleep or watch television or read a book or go out for a few drinks and then have a early night.
And so, the spirit is weak.
However, there is something else going here which I cannot confess to even faintly understand.
Tonight is club night. Tonight I get to see Mistress and maybe even chat with her. Okay, it will be a late night because I will, essentially, be working of sorts (as I like to help out with the organisation and such like).
And, of course, this is the 7th day of locking in this particular stretch. It is not that I wish to have the keys back. Not the slightest bit of it. I am not sure I wish them back ever, though I know that is not up to me at all.
I have spent a lot of the week wondering if they shall be returned to me this evening with a “there you go, you have experienced it, but now I no longer wish them”. Or, even worse, receive a discreet envelope in the post containing the keys and perhaps a note saying “no thanks”. It is not that I doubt Mistress. I just understand what a big step it is and I in no way wish to try to force her to do anything against her will, even if I could.
But the extraordinary thing is, although my mind wishes me to curl up into a ball and wishes the rest of the world would just go away, my body will not let me. It will not allow me to let Mistress down. Mistress expects, and what Mistress wishes, she gets. And that is just as it should be.
You see, everything has been comfortable this week, chastity-wise. In fact, it has never been more comfortable. My body has at last accepted it and is happy with its new situation. So my body is perfectly happy to go gallivanting off to club and to do what needs to be done and that is exactly what my body will do.
And I know that once I arrive, and once I meet Mistress again, that everything in the world will be okay again and it will be one of the most fabulous and fun nights I have ever had.
So it would appear that the spirit is weak, but the flesh is willing.
And also, it is simply the effect Mistress has on me, positive and energising and making me feel so full of life and vim and vigour.