The monogamous sub?
I felt that second title was too obscure. However, the meaning remains the same.
I think perhaps a little background information is in order here.
Last night was club night. I performed my usual duties, helping out behind the scenes. As expected, after an awful working week, my mood was pretty foul to start with but I rallied and the evening went smoothly and yes, I did enjoy it.
And yes, Mistress did return me my keys with an instruction to make sure all was clean and properly bathed on the following morning, and that I was to return the keys to her the following day.
And then today, I was lucky enough to be able to visit Mistress but it was only for helping out and for chats and discussions and such like. There is, however, a little sting in tail.
And so, I came to wondering over the course of the last couple of days as to the nature of submission, the nature of worship, the nature of devotion to a Mistress. And I came to ask myself, is it possible to submit to one Mistress one moment and then change tack and worship another later?
I suppose the question is one of absolutes, or, at least, in my mind that is what it is. For me, being devoted to someone is singular. I cannot be devoted to more than one person at a time. And, if I am devoted to one person, it is not just for that night, or that session, or for that brief period of time during which I have my wishes satisfied and my lusts satiated.
I am just not like that.
For me, devotion is personal and unique. It is not necessarily intense or overarching – we all have our lives to live. But I could no more consider trying to gain the attentions of another Mistress than I could raise my hand in domination of any other. It is simply not in my bones, not in my blood, not in me.
There are plenty – and please do not think me judgmental in this, for I am not, I merely observe – who are quite happy to have their itch scratched by whoever will accommodate them. They are, in a way, indiscriminate. They will turn up to an event and wait to see if there are any there who are prepared to tie a collar and lead around their neck and lead them about and flog them and do whatever it is that has been agreed.
And then the next night, it will be the same, except with someone else.
Please, believe me, I do understand. I am a latecomer to this environment and I have so much to learn, but I hope very much I am a tolerant and understanding individual and would never judge anyone by their proclivities as long as they are not harming others. And, obviously, in the above mentioned circumstances, no harm is being done.
But I couldn’t do it.
There are two sides to the same coin here. Submission is a choice and, it would seem, primarily the choice of the submissive. This is clearly not the case. What is important is that this submission is consensual between both parties.
But, for me, once that agreement is reached, or even whilst that agreement is being reached, no others impinge upon it.
I could submit to no other than Mistress. It is as simple as that.
And so, as to the journey of the keys? I obeyed, of course, and carried out expected duties in preparation for the handover of the keys, but during the course of the day, Mistress did not ask for them or seem to require them. I made a terrible judgment call on that and assumed that as she did not demand them, then so did she not wish them. I should have known better. I was given all the clues, all the indications that she wished me to ask of her that she hold the keys, and I did not do so.
It is just that I do not wish to ever, or to be seen to try to, enforce my own desires on Mistress. I only ever wish to obey. But I read things wrong today. I should have been begging, on my knees.
Nevertheless, as I left, despondent, Mistress turned up, utterly unexpectedly, before I reached my car and the journey home. She held out her hand, and said nothing.
And so were my keys delivered unto her hands again. I am beginning to think of them as her keys, not mine.
I am left with the question posed right at the start. How many Mistresses? The underlying question is really is it possible to submit to more than one Mistress, to chop and change mid-stream, to select from whoever is available in order to explore and discover and experience?
Maybe for some. But not for me. I am devoted. Single-mindedly, resolutely, and absolutely.
For me, it is not about experience, it is about devotion and, for me, devotion is absolute.