There is an incompleteness.
I am locked, yes. I have no keys, thank goodness. I love being like this, of course. I count myself so so lucky that things are the way they are.
But still there is a gap somewhere. I know it is there, but I cannot find it.
There is nothing I seek. I am not missing out. I do not have a single demand of Mistress. The only thing I wish is that I could be able to make her life a happier place. I try my best, but life can be so hard sometimes.
But still, something is missing, some indefinable and indescribable something.
All I really know is what it is not.
It is nothing to do with relationships. What there is between Mistress and I is more than satisfactory to me. I still shudder with disbelief when I think how lucky I have been to have met her at all.
It is certainly not sexual. I have no interest in anything like that. I have said before. It is something I tried in the dim and distant past and it did absolutely nothing for me and even the thought nowadays is a turnoff. People may think me strange because of that, but I can only speak the truth of what I feel.
It is nothing to do with feeling I deserve more attention, because I do not. I think I really get too much attention anyway, compared to the benefits I may provide the other way. It really is nothing to do with any of that.
There is really only one thing I can think of that is missing and that is belief. Even now, after all that has happened, with the circumstances I find myself in, I still struggle with belief. I still cannot believe the miracle that has transformed my life. Indeed, I cannot believe this really is my life.
I cannot believe I have been so lucky. Hundreds and thousands of people search their entire lives to find someone to whom they can be devoted with fear or favour, uncategorically and with nothing more required than utter devotion. Very few are lucky enough.
And yet, and yet, I have been lucky enough. It bowls me over every time I think about it. I do not deserve to be this lucky. I do not deserve Mistress. She deserves far better than I.
I am locked in chastity, for goodness sake. Is this healthy for a grown man of my age? To have a stainless steel cage wrapped around my parts day in, day out, week in, week out?
Others talk of having no hope of “escape”, “release”, whatever they wish to call it. For me, I wish none. I have nothing to accomplish by being able to unlock. It serves no purpose any more. I simply do not wish it. Quite what I will do when Mistress returns the keys to me (which she shall surely do at some point) I really do not know. Because I have lost something but gained so much else in the process.
Every day, my amazement gets stronger. Every day in chastity, my appreciation and respect for her increases. These are feelings that far outstrip anything else. This is a very special gift I have been given, to be allowed to be chaste for a wonderful Mistress. The most wonderful, I should say.
The only thing missing is that I really struggle to believe it has happened at all.
And yet deep down, I know it has. Oh my goodness, yes, it has happened. And I am so so grateful.