I have been locked in chastity for a while now.
There really is not much I can about it. It just is.
I remember so well the struggling days when I just did not know how to cope, when I was learning, if you like.
Things are so different now. And I have discovered something.
It grasps my mind.
It is as if the device locked to my underparts is merely a solid symbol of what is going on in my head.
I think today’s writing is really a continuation of yesterday’s. It is taking a while for the penny to drop. With each little clunk, it drops a little further down the bagatelle inside my head and with each passing hour, a new realisation strikes.
These realisations cannot be vocalised, not truly. It is merely a voice inside my head which speaks, wordlessly, and says “you are locked you are locked you are locked” over and over again.
And the second realisation is that I am so thrilled that it is so. There is an element of desperation about that inner voice, but it is not desperation to be released. It is like that feeling one gets when being flogged or whipped or some such, where the pain just increases and increases but all you think about is how much you want it to increase even more.
Of course, Mistress would not do that to me. She is far too wise and too clever and too knowledgeable. She knows how to treat me. She knows how to keep me on that edge.
It must be a strange thing for Mistress to know that she has someone under her control who has such a desire to remain under that control. For many, I imagine they would be carolling at her door, desperate and begging for release.
Yet I do not beg for release. Far from it. The opposite, in fact.
Well no, not quite. I haven’t begged yet.
It is just after so long trying and failing, so many missed opportunities, so many failures to be properly dedicated, I just feel I have reached a new stage in my life, not just in this chastity journey.
Something has flipped over in my brain. It is going to take a while for me to properly understand it. But I know now I am locked. I know I am chaste. I know I love being so. I believe Mistress is happy that this is so.
What a strange and wonderful new world I have entered.