The last few days have not been the best.
Let’s face it, the last few weeks have not been the best.
But I have reached a certain stage now. Through all the trials and tribulations and strife, trying my best for Mistress and trying to be locked and then, eventually, with such relief, to finding an equilibrium where my anatomy capitulates, mostly, has been such a rollercoaster journey I can barely believe it.
And yet there are still moments of doubt. Is this what Mistress wants? Has she become bored of me? Am I not being as dedicated and devoted as I should be? Have I failed to maintain interest and satisfaction?
Through it all, I am well aware that it is my responsibility to try my absolute and utter best to make things better for Mistress, if I possibly can. If it reaches a stage that I am no longer able to do this, then I perfectly well understand that my usefulness has ended.
These are the thoughts that have plagued me today. How can I keep on doing my best, making sure Mistress thinks it is worthwhile to continue to give me her attentions, whilst at the same time realising that nothing lasts forever.
In truth, it has been heartbreaking.
There is no way to second guess Mistress. She is so far beyond me that I struggle to even keep up with the day to day, never mind the longer term notion of whether I can continue to be her submissive, if she so wishes, at any point in the future.
The fact is that Mistress is, as the saying may or may not go, an enigma wrapped in a conundrum. She is a mystery to me, an amazing conglomeration of the wonderful and the mystical and the amazing and magical.
That is what Mistress is to me.
And so, at this time of such self doubt, I have decided that all I can do is to redevote myself to her, to hope beyond hope that she accepts my devotion, and each and every day to try my absolute best to make her world a better place.
So let today mark a new beginning. She is my one and only. Not for me the lewd and libidinous. This is devotion, pure and simple. I can only hope it is enough.