I feel like a different person today.
I have also felt my devotion to Mistress absolutely skyrocket.
No more moping and feeling down about things. There is only one life and it is to be lived.
Lifestyle control has begun again, stronger than ever and more committed than ever. After this morning’s exercises and all the other daily tasks I have to do, I am left with a feeling that at last, after such a long break, I have genuinely tried my best to please Mistress today. It fills me with hope for the coming days, weeks. Hope for the future, really. It’s just something Mistress does to me.
But there is still a small voice in the back of mind which has been quiet recently. I have paid it little attention, having barely noticed it at all. Even this morning, it was pretty much silent. And again, I paid it little heed.
But this evening it is much more vocal, much more insistent. It will not get shrill at any point, I know that. And that is because I will cave in long before then. Before it even starts shouting or speaking in a raised voice.
But for now, it is just a little voice, whispering firmly in the back of my mind – “time to lock”.
I have felt this way many times before. This being locked in chastity is almost a physical need, so strong can the desire become. I end up feeling unsafe and insecure if I am not locked, as if something is missing, even on the painful days.
Even as I sit here writing, just thinking about it makes the voice grow louder.
“Time to lock.”
I will hold out for a while longer, I think. If Mistress wishes otherwise, I am sure she will let me know.
I am now a little older, a little wiser. I understand things better. I am not going to be all “bull in a chinashop” and lock myself up until it is simply unbearable and I have to cut it off again.
Yes, being locked in chastity can be ferocious but most of the time it is beautiful if done sensibly.
Maybe being locked in a stainless steel device 24/7/365 is possible. Who knows? This time, I am more concerned with being locked for the long term and in a sustainable manner. It’s taken a long time to get to this point, but I am just about ready, I think. I been too long unlocked.
And that little voice just keeps on saying those words – “time to lock, dear boy. you know you want to.”