Monday’s motivation seems to have been sadly lacking.
I so badly wanted to lock and remain locked. Last night, for the first time in ages, I did lock in the evening before going to bed and remained locked all night.
But it just goes to show, no matter how strong the desire, sometimes circumstances just dictate that things are not going to happen the way you may wish.
So yes, I did stay locked all night. It was not really so long ago, yet it seems so far away right now, that I was remaining fully locked 24/7 for several weeks on end, nearly a couple of months or so, with these periods of locked chastity being separated by just short episodes of release.
Now, I can barely go a full night.
It is amazing how long it takes to teach oneself how to lock properly and safely. But it is equally amazing how soon one’s body forgets and needs to relearn all over again as if from scratch. I suppose I could console myself with the fact that at least I am sensible enough now to know when too much is too much, not on devotional grounds (for I can never be devoted enough to Mistress, no matter how hard I try) but on purely physical grounds.
It is small consolation, though. It still feels like failure.
So I got up early this morning, and unlocked. I didn’t even ask permission, which is really remiss of me. But things were just so sore. Things were just not sitting right and to carry on would have resulted in injury.
However, I find I am less devastated by my failures this time. It is as if I have come to expect them.
I take solace from knowing that whilst I may have unlocked this morning, I will keep on trying. It is not just a game or an experiment to see if it can be done, for I know it can. But I would like so much for it to be a long term feature of my life.
I don’t know if I will be that lucky. I have been so so lucky thus far, just with everything to do with Mistress. Indeed, just her very existence gives me solace.
Who would have thought, long ago in fantasy-land, that a Mistress could be such a blessing and a salve?