I am afraid I am going to become more philosophical about things.
Is this all a need or a desire? Is there any difference between the two?
This, essentially, follows directly from yesterday’s post where I swore I would try to be more considerate and thoughtful of what Mistress wants.
But now I have come to the realisation that I must first identify what it is that she wants. And this, in turn, made me think that it really is not as simple as that. Mistress is a very complex individual, very intricate and fascinating and full of twists and turns and depth and insight. What hope do I have of ever understanding her?
None, basically. It is as simple as that. Part of being a submissive male is the recognition of that and the acceptance of it. Both important things.
But it is also most important to not stop trying.
As ever, nothing is cut and dried. There is a bit of truth in all of it.
For many submissive males, they seek someone to love. They wish to give themselves over entirely to another, one who will subsume their will and treat them as property.
For others, it is just a fantasy. It exists in that brief time the scenario is being played out, in that magical moment where, just for a splintering second, they can both forget who they are in real life and live just in the moment, experiencing everything that moment can give them.
I am neither. I do not seek someone to love. I do not need someone to love. But it is such a pleasure and an honour to be able to adore someone unreservedly.
It is really really difficult to explain. It must be so confusing to some others, so difficult to understand how a single male can seek only to adore someone without any concomitant and undesired sexual advances. And yet that is how it is.
So yes, it is a need and not just a desire. But it is also a desire and not just a need.
And I am also becoming aware that for Mistress, she does not need this. Nor does she necessarily desire it. And yet, it seems to be pleasing to her. At least sometimes, anyway.
On the flipside, after all, surely there is some pleasure to be had in knowing there is someone who adores you unreservedly and yet wishes nothing in return, other than the opportunity simply to adore?
Surely that is worth something to a Mistress?
I believe so. As per yesterday’s post, it is a balance, so finely struck that to some it is barely visible. It is a line somewhere between need and desire.
I believe it is called friendship.