For a while, before Christmas, I lost it.
It was simply that Real Life kicked in and it seemed somehow inappropriate to continue in the same vein whilst so much was going on.
And, for a time, I thought I had lost this whole world. I did not feel submissive. I did not especially want to experience ever again what I had once considered the wonderful and life-enhancing feeling of the lash across my back.
And, for a brief moment, I decided that it was all over.
Of course, I was kidding myself.
It is a strange thing that once one has decided to devote oneself to a wonderful Mistress, there really is no going back. The decision has been made and life will never ever be the same again.
For the feeling of submission, that most astonishing and amazing feeling of giving oneself to another for their pleasure, it grips with an iron grip.
Now, in this new year, there are times when I am filled with such a craving to submit, such a yearning to feel once more the whip and the flogger and, well, just everything, that it can be quite overwhelming.
I do not know where this comes from. There is nothing in my past I could point to which a clever psychologist could dig up and say “aha – that is why you are the way you are”. I am just like this.
What makes it doubly strange is that in Real Life, I am not a submissive person at all. Quite the contrary.
In some ways, submission is a choice. But for some, such as I, it strikes such a powerful chord deep within the soul. It makes me feel alive. Even that constant craving and yearning makes me realise I am full of life and hope.
And because it is Mistress, most wonderful and amazing and fabulous Mistress, I want to do anything and everything I can to make her happy, make her life a better place, even just bring a little happiness to her day.
So what, then, is the nature of submission? I really do not know. But I am so so grateful to Mistress for allowing me to submit to her. It is a true honour.