I have been going through something of a catharsis.
There are sometimes key moments in life when you wake up to who you are, wake up and smell the coffee, so to speak.
On occasion, such moments can happen suddenly, like flitting from deep sleep to full wakefulness in an instant. These are moments of revelation, miracle even, which can transform a life.
Sometimes it takes a little longer. But the effects are no less powerful, no less meaningful, no less transformative.
Any regular reader (although in truth I do not know if there are any such followers, grateful though I am to each an every single one of you, however infrequent your reading) will have noticed that recent posts have been somewhat abstruse, as is this one. There is, believe me, a reason.
Basically, I am not the person I used to be. I have been gradually coming to terms with that, and indeed it is taking some time. But I really have changed quite dramatically from the person I was before I knew Mistress. Today, really, is just the summation of a long period of change.
It is also the beginning of a new chapter. Certain elements will, of course, remain the same, but there will be certain nuances which differ quite distinctly from what has gone before.
What is the nature of this change? It really is quite simple. For many long years I have harboured fantasies and wondered about things and been more or less a typical solitary male living a typical solitary male lifestyle. I have had interests and investigations and have been a collector of certain things, just to find out what fantasy was like.
And you know what?
Fantasy means nothing.
It has taken me so long to realise.
What is important, is reality. Real life, real devotion. Not fake chastity borne on the whim of a fantasy of what it might be like, but hard won chastity.
I understand now that to be locked in chastity for someone, to submit to someone, to have such concern for another, is such a supreme honour. It is not the cold request, or order even, for someone to fulfil that which has taken up a large proportion of the male fantasy mind set. It is the recognition that individual human beings are far more important than any of that.
Submission is not a game, although some play it like that.
Chastity is not a game, although the vast majority of males think of it like that.
Mistress is not a commodity, although I know some see her as such.
But not because she is a Mistress. Simply because she is a wonderful human being.
Today I lost fantasy. But I gained reality. And I am such a better person for it.
And I will do my damnedest to make Mistress proud of me and to make her world a happier place, if it is in my power to do so. It would be such an honour.