I feel lost.
I can’t help it. I have been away from things for so long, there is no end in sight, thankfully. I just cannot see the way ahead.
It may seem negative to talk about my fears and what I dread happening, but it is on the back of what I hope for, what I believe in. We can only understand what we fear if we understand hope.
And so, I fear I have lost this most magical world. I have stepped away and stepping back into it will simply be too difficult. I will feel like a traitor.
And I fear I have lost Mistress.
That thought is so utterly devastating.
I fear I have failed to show due respect. I fear I have failed to be properly devoted. I fear I have not accorded appropriate deference. I fear I may be unable to. Simply put, I just fear I have let go of something which is so precious to me and it will be impossible to get it back.
But I also know that fear is the little death. Fear is a state of mind. It is not reality. Fantasy can take so many forms, delusion can be so insinuative.
For those who seek an insight into the mind of a submissive, know this. Fear does not drive it. It is a part of it, but it is in no way its whole.
And so, whilst I dread the thought that I have lost Mistress, I know it is not true. Whilst I fear I can no longer step back into this world, I know that for a fallacy.
For this world has welcomed me. Mistress accepts me. I know these things.
How many people, in whatever walk of life, can truly claim to know they belong?
Thanks to Mistress, I know my fears are unfounded.