It has been too long.
It has been far too long since I last wrote.
It has been far too long since I have engaged with this world, this world of chastity and fetish and domination.
Admittedly, there have been other things I have had to do and I make no excuse for that. Things simply had to be done.
But I feel the loss of this world. I miss it. I miss Mistress. I miss doing things which are pleasing to her, even though real life has stepped in and precluded anything else. Such is life, sometimes. It is nobody’s fault. Things are just what they are.
However, the situation I now find myself in harks back to two weeks ago. There had been a certain lull in activity, a certain abandonment of certain tenets. Mistress realised this and sent me a set of instructions.
I could not comply. Out of the blue came urgent demands from family and elsewhere and I had to flee and deal with things as best I could.
The upshot of all this, however, is that I had to directly disobey Mistress.
And now, two weeks later, I realise how rude I have been. I have offered little explanation, I have given little reason. I know Mistress understands. She is just that kind of person. But I also know I have now a debt to pay to her.
This Mistress/submissive relationship is really quite a particular thing, quite unlike other D/s relationships. There is respect and honour. There is understanding and appreciation. There is devotion and there is the realisation that on both sides there is reality. These things are not missing from other such relationships, not at all. But in this kind of relationship, they are absolutely everything.
That does not mean this is all fantasy and whim. Quite the opposite. It means that there is a mutual respect beyond that of the standard Mistress/sub relationship. It isn’t all whips and chains, delightful though they are.
But I still castigate myself regarding how badly I have treated Mistress, how little information or reason I have given for disobeying her direct instructions, albeit they have been very good and valid reasons.
And perhaps, when it comes right down to it, it is that very understanding, that mutual respect and appreciation, which makes me realise she understands and that no specific reason or apology need be given. For she knows how things stand. She understands and appreciates that I, as her submissive, have a life all of my own, connected yet disconnected. It is the interweaving of such strands which give life to life’s rich tapestry, which give life and vibrancy to what would otherwise be a lost cause.
I realise in this writing I am breaking all the rules of what should constitute good web writing skills, of what a blog should be about. But I just wanted it to be clear that I do not regard this new world as separate to real life. That is why I am not using capital letters or trademark signs to describe it.
It is just my life. Mistress is part of it. Chastity is part of it. There are many many parts to it, as is true for everyone.
The refusal was given, and accepted.
But real life must go on, with all the kink and whim that may be involved in any part of it.
In many ways, I feel I am not just back to square one, but back to square zero. It is not just that it is as if nothing had ever happened, but almost as if what has happened has been undone.
There is an even keel of what is acceptable in any given circumstance. There are games people play. There is real life. There are certain essential experiences which define a person.
But over and above all of that, there is an absolute respect and devotion which no amount of reality, no amount of pretending or playing or gamesmanship or fantasy can hide.
When things get difficult, Mistress is there.
That, really, is all I can say.